Me In Honey
by Luna 'Tic' Vee
Summary: Jay talks about his and Bob's first kiss and...other stuff. Songfic. R for coarse language and very very vague sexual description (like saying "we screwed", about that vague).


Me In Honey  
by Luna "Tic" Vee  
***  
  
*I sat there looking ugly  
Looking ugly and mean  
I knew what you were saying  
You were saying to me*  
  
"Nothin'..." I said. First thing I'd said all fuckin' day. I was too busy thinkin' 'bout shit to worry 'bout flappin' my gums. Too busy wonderin' what the fuck was wrong wit' me. Sittin' there lookin all pissy 'n' shit... I prolly looked like I was fuckin' mad at the world. Like the fuckin' universe'd suddenly and collectively given me a wedgie. ...wedgie. Ow.  
  
The tubby fucker raises his eyebrow at me. Bitch always does that. Instead of comin' right out an' sayin' it, he just gives me that fuckin' "What's wrong, Jay" look. I fuckin' hate that look. Cause right after it, 'f I don't say nothin' he gets this whole look on his face like he's the fuckin' source of all the world's problems or some shit. I knows he's just worried 'bout me an' shit, but I hate seein' him get that guilty look. Breaks my fuckin' heart an' shit. Nothin' worse than seein' a fuckin' fat man bein' all sad.  
  
*Baby's got some new rules  
Baby said she's had it with me*  
  
Then he gives me this fuckin' "are you alright?" look, followed by the classic "you can tell me". Fucker. He's my boy 'n shit, but he's always all up in my fuckin' business. Wonderin' if I'm eatin' right, if I'm bein' careful with the chicks I bring home, if I'm sick, if I'm sad...   
  
An' right now he ain't sure what to think. 'Cause I's thinkin', and that's sorta unusual for me, 'least around him. Oh, he dunno it, but I's smarter than I act. I ain't a total moron. I just don't know any better. So he thinks. I just like to keep him on his toes. He's all cute 'n shit when he's all exasperated with how I act. Yeah, I know big words. Just dun like to use 'em. That one fit, though. Heh.  
  
*It seems a shame you waste your time on me  
It seems a lot to waste your time for me*  
  
I still dunno what makes him stay here with me. I treat the fucker like shit on a biscuit, and still, he's right here, by my side, as fuckin' always. Maybe he's just all co-dependent 'n shit. Maybe he needs someone to hang out with. Maybe...he...  
  
*Left me to love  
What it's doing to me*  
  
Yeah, maybe he loves me. Maybe. Fuckin' lord knows it's prolly the only reason he sticks by me. Know what's sad though? I love the tubby fucker too. Problem is, I dunno what to do about it! I have a rep to keep up, and besides, look at all the shit runnin' out my mouth half the time! I'm a fuckin' poster boy for homophobes! If it weren't so... unacceptable to most folk, I wouldn't have to do that poser shit.  
  
Besides, what if he don't love me? What if he don't like guys? What the fuck do I do if he decides to dump my skinny white ass because I grossed him out by fallin' for him 'n shit! Then what do I do? What the fuck do I do? I'll be Jay The Faggot, and there's no way I'll be able to survive on my own without my muscle with me, specially if I'm outed to all the intolerant fucks 'round here.  
  
New Jersey, where the weak are killed and eaten.  
  
I'm sick of this 'round in circles shit. Maybe he loves me back. Maybe he don't. Maybe I'm just fuckin' dreaming. Maybe we're all actually penguins, and our conciousnesses are hooked up to computers like a fuckin' pseudo-Matrix thingamabob. Fuck if I know. But I'm sick of mulling this shit over. How many years has it been? I dunno, and I dun fuckin' care anymore...  
  
*There's a lot of honey in this world  
Baby this honey's from me*  
  
I slink on over to the tubby fucker. He's watchin' TV, all unsuspecting an' shit. Pull myself into his lap. He ain't sure what to think then. His eyes go all wide when I wiggle my ass in his lap. Fuckin' pupils dialate. Oh? What's this now? Mmm...I may be right afterall...  
  
I plant one on him. And fuck, if his lips ain't softer than any part of any chick I've ever touched. And I've touched every part of almost every chick in the tri-county area. Fuck, maybe even the tri-state area. Anyway, to my surprise, the fucker, after gettin' over being stunned as all fuck, he slides his arms around me. He kisses me back, and I let my tongue do the talkin'. Ooh yeah. And lemme tell ya, his mouth tastes fuckin' sweeter than any honey.  
  
*You've got to do what you do  
Do it with me  
It seems a shame you waste your time for me*  
  
We break the kiss an' catch our breath.  
  
"Jay?" the tubby fuck finally speaks. First thing he said in a week, and it's my name. And holy fuck, if it didn't make me hard in less than a fuckin' second. Something about the breathy way he said it...  
  
*Left me to love  
What it's doing to me*  
  
"Lunchbox... I love you," an' that was the last thing I said for about twenty minutes. Fucker clamps his lips back down on mine and shoves me down on the couch. I'd've bitched bout his fat ass crushing me an' bruising my arms in his grip, but at that point, I din't give a fuck anymore. Grinded up against him and watched his pupils take up his whole eyes. Fuckin' sexy as all hell.  
  
*Knocked silly  
Knocked flat  
Sideways down  
These things they pick you up  
Turn you around*  
  
After that, well, it didn't take fuckin' long for us to get naked and somehow find our way to his room, despite the fact that our tongues never left eachothers' mouths.  
  
A little bit of stretching, a lotta bit of lube, and too much shoving me into the mattress later, he'd nailed my ass to the bed and left me moaning for more. Fucker's got a leathal weapon between his fuckin' legs. An' I hope he shoots me in the ass with it as often as possible. Fuckin' turned my spine to lava. I couldn't do much more with my lower body 'sides twitch for at least a fuckin' hour. Now THAT's sex!  
  
*Say your piece  
Say you're sweet for me  
It's all the same to share the pain with me  
It's all the same  
Save the shame for me*  
  
"I love you, Jay," he purrs as he wraps his arms around me. I never realized how strong he was until I felt his strong arms hold me close. Made me feel more secure than I ever did in my life. Best feeling in the world, aside from the feeling of him slamming into my ass, of course.  
  
"I love you too, Lunchbox." I dunno what's wrong with the both of us. We's two of the most screwed up fuckers you'll ever meet, but together, we're perfect. I may be some type of spazzy screw-up, but he don't care. He thinks I'm beautiful. And he thinks I'm perfect.  
  
He might be a silent fucker who needs to learn to project his deeper feelings better, but it don't matter. Cause he's perfect, too. An' I couldn't love him more.  
  
Funny thing is, we were too busy feelin' sorry for ourselves all this time to realize how perfect we are.  
  
I guess we really are fucked up.  
  
*Left me to love What it's doing to me*  
  
***  
  
Notes: I love writing Jay! He fun. XD This is, of course, to "Me In Honey" by R.E.M. I'm on a real R.E.M. kick as of late. Squee!  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: I own diddly squat. Jay and Silent Bob are property of Kevin Smith, View Askew, Miramax, and the Martians that live in Scott Mosier's left ear.  
  
"Me In Honey" is written by and property of Michael Stipe.  
  
***  
  
Questions? Comments? Subliminible Messages? E-mail me at Druidess@msn.com  
  
***  
  
Visit the Jay & Silent Bob Slash mailing list! Tons of romance involving your favourite stoners! I'm not just an advocate, I'm a member! Enjoy!  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JayandSilentBob-slash  
  
***  
  
Thanks for reading! Please drop a review before you leave! Thanks and Merry Crimmas! 


End file.
